When are you going to have kids??

Right after you get married, everyone bugs you on when you are going to have kids. It is like they need to ask you some kind of question. (When are you getting engaged....when are you getting married....when are you having kids...when are you going to have your next kid....). My husband never cared. He would have been fine with having kids before we were married.

I on the other hand was terrified. I had all of these fearful thoughts in my head. I was downright scared. First I was scared of the pregancy. Scared of putting more weight on top of too much weight to begin with. Of course, then there is the labor. Who wouldn't be scared and every woman you ask will tell you....yes, it hurts. (Thanks a lot by the way...) And last but most important, there is this human being that you are responsible for. The way this child is brought up is because of you. What is more terrifying that that???

I had all kinds of excuses. After we got married, I told my husband that we must have a house. I said that we absoulety did not have any room in our two bedroom apartment. Of course, shortly after we got married, we found a wonderful house in a nice neighborhood. My husband started to ask again. Well, honey....we just bought this house and I want to at least only work part time. You need to make more money before we can start to have a family. So, my husband went to work, put in for a promotion. Went through some vigorous training and received a good promotion with a nice raise to go along with it. So....what is stopping me now?? Well, snuckumms, I think that we should be married a year. I think that we need to have time for us....right?? (Even though we lived together about 3 years before we even got married). So our 1 year anniversary comes and goes. And my husband is asking again....Of course it wasn't the end of the excuses for me....Can't I be 25 years old before we start trying?? We are still so young! When my 25th birthday arrived, my husband looked at me and said I am not waiting any longer. If you want to wait, then it should be in our best interest to not have kids. I was terrified of that!!!

In my mind, I had run out of excuses and I had really prepared myself for this journey. To our luck it only took us a matter of 2-3 months to concieve. (I know, I know I am getting those evil vibes from many women out there who aren't as fertile. I am definitly not trying to offend anyone!!) My pregnancy was wonderful, with the exception of the miserable morning sickness in the beginning. I had an awesome delivery. No complications. I now have this wonderful, beautiful, healthy daugther who has given my life a whole new meaning. What was I so afraid of??? There are those days that I don't know what to do with myself and I feel like I am going insane, but once that little girl smiles at me, all I can think to myself is...why did I wait so long?? I was afraid of what??

I now look back and think, what was I waiting for? Why did I take so long to overcome all of my "pregnancy/baby/mom" fears. I would like to enjoy Alyssa for a little bit before we start the process all over again, but I definitly don't want to wait too long. I can't imagine my life without Alyssa at this point.