Two weeks left

Oh, where to even start this post.

First of all, my maternity leave is almost over. I have 2 weeks of it left. Which leaves me absolutely sad.

Sad because I have had the best time ever being home with my girls. Sad because I have kept up on laundry, cleaning, dishes, making bottles, and making nice dinners and I am afraid I won't be able to when I go back to work. Sad because I don't want to go back to work. AT ALL. Sad because I know we can't afford for me to stay home. It is impossible. Bills trump that. Sad because I will miss everything I do everyday with the girls.

Sad because I will be back on a real life time schedule. I will have to be at work by a certain time in the morning. Meaning I have to plan my showers again. Meaning I will have to pack up two babies to go to grandma's house 2 days a week. Sad because I will feel like my life is more rushed for some reason.

I know, I shouldn't complain. I do only work part time. (Two and a half days to be exact). And I know that it isn't too much time out of my girls life. But, I am still sad. I can't shake this terrible feeling in my stomach that I get when I think about going back to work.

Gary is sympathetic though. He even offered to work a part time job in order for me to stay home. I don't know if he was 100% willing, but he offered it because he knows how much I love being home. I absolutely could NOT have him work 2 jobs and never be home just so I can stay home. Plus, I make much more than he would at any P/T job and with my hours, we aren't losing time together in the evening, so it would be so selfish and silly of me to let him get a second job.

I am sure once I get back to work, it'll be fine. Maybe I will even appreciate the "break" from the girls, but right now I can't think of that. I just keep thinking how miserable I will be.

I am really going to try to enjoy these last two weeks as much as I possibly can. I need to stop thinking about the time left as it is only makes me sad. I need to positive in thinking that I was lucky to spend 12 weeks home with the girls. I just can't believe it is almost over.

This week sucked

Alyssa had the rotavirus this week. The first couple days she was throwing up and the past three days she has had the runs. I have been washing and sanatizing my hands like crazy in any effort to try to keep that virus away from Morgan. At first it wasn't too difficult to keep Alyssa away because she was very tired and mopey. She pretty much layed around all day. Yesterday was the first day she was acting like herself again. She started to play with her toys and then all of the sudden she wants to give Morgan kisses again. Since she still has the runs, so I don't want her touching Morgan. It is so hard. I just keep praying that Morgan does not catch it!!

So, my fun week has been cleaning up the carpet, the couch and tons and tons of dirty diapers. Fun week....NOT!

Not much else going on around here. We have been busy trying to get Alyssa well.

I guess I am glad that it rained pretty much all week. That makes it much easier to avoid the outside with a sick kid. I don't think it is going to let up anytime soon though and that sucks. Especially since I wanted to have so much fun these last two weeks of my maternity leave. (Yeah, TWO weeks is all I have left). I am composing a whole other blog entry dedicated to that.

For my birthday...

Gary treated me very well. About 15 minutes after I posted how I just wished he would do something special for me, he walked in the door with a dozen red roses and an ice cream cake. He also told me we could order out from anywhere and he would pick it up. So, we got Outback. Yummy. It was really nice to pick up a good meal like that and be able to eat it at home. So much easier than going to the restaurant with the kiddos. Plus, we didn't have to pay for Alyssa's hot dog and applesauce...LOL!

My birthday was really nice though. It came and went as usual and now I am just another year older. I got to spend it with my three favorite people in the whole world and that is what is really important. (But I did love getting the flowers, it was a wonderful surprise!!)

Needless to say, my diet has been shot this week. I am even too nervous to weigh myself this week and I don't even want to post on my other blog. These guilty feelings, but all I keep saying is "It's my birthday week, it's OK"...

My work friend didn't end up having the baby on my birthday. She went nowhere with dilating, and Thursday morning (5/4) her baby's heartrate started to drop. She went in for an emergency c-section. He was born on May 4th at 11 (something) am and weighed 6 pounds something. I know terrible. I can't remember the exact details. He was born on my nephew's 2 year birthday though, so it is still very special!! Congrats to them!!

I am down to 3 weeks left of maternity leave. Where in the heck did this time go?? Morgan just had her 2 month birthday yesterday. It is already flying by way faster than I want it to. I think she is doing better on her new formula. Now the only time she gets real fussy is when you are not holding her. So yeah, she wants to be held ALL.OF.THE.TIME! At least now when you hold her, she calms down. Before there was no consoling her.

It's My Birthday!!!

Today is my 28th birthday.

I can't believe that I am 28 already. It seems like just yesterday I was 20. Now here I am 28, married, owning a house, and have 2 kids. Amazing how this time has been flying by.

I always said I would never say I feel old, because really 28 is NOT old!! (Even though you thought it was when you were 15...LOL). But, I am starting to feel not so young anymore.

I think I am in some kind of funk. I wouldn't say I am depressed, but sort of down. I am having a lot of mixed feelings lately that seem so silly, but really get to me. But, I am not going to go there on my birthday post.

I have nothing planned for today, which sucks!! I doubt Gary has anything planned either. He just found out today that he is on-call for work, which means late work nights for him for the next week. He isn't such a good birthday planner. Sometimes I wish he would do something special for me and totally surprise me. Like planning an evening out for us and do ALL the planning. Such as find a sitter, pick a dinner place and just sweep me off my feet and take me there. Or maybe just some cheap flowers from the grocery store. Something to surprise me.

On an exciting note, a pregnant friend of mine from work called me yesterday at about 4:30 saying her doctor told her to go to the hospital to be induced. Her BP has been high for a few weeks now, and she is finally at the 38 week mark. She isn't dilated at all, so they were going to start off with giving her some kind of pill. Anyways, I told her she is going to have her baby on my birthday. So, I am pretty excited about that. I am praying that her labor isn't too difficult, especially since she wasn't dilated. That makes me nervous. I have been telling her as long as I can remember that she would have her baby on my birthday!! So now I am just waiting on her phone call!