Happy Birthday To You

Happy Birthday to you,
Happy Birthday to you,
Happy Birthday deeaaarrr Aaalllyyysssaaa,
Happy Birthday to you.

Today is Alyssa's 6 month birthday. It is amazing to think that 6 months ago we were in the hospital adoring the little girl that we were so blessed with. As I had mentioned previously, we didn't find out the sex when I was pregnant. I thought for sure it was a boy. Everyone had thought it was a boy. We were not even 100% positive on the girl's name, and I thought it didn't matter, because it was going to be a boy.

After I had given birth, I had forgot that I didn't know what the sex of the baby was. I was so amazed at what I had just delivered, it didn't even matter. I couldn't believe what strength I had to do such an amazing thing. (And every other woman in the world who has given birth!!) After about a minute of repeatly saying "Oh my g*d", my doctor says, you should be saying "Oh my Gary". Of course, it was a boy.... and we were going to name him Gary (after his daddy).

She replied, "No, It's a Girl". I looked at her and said "Are you sure"? Now here is a woman who has probably delivered about 5 million babies and I was doubting if she was sure what a girl looked like.

Everything was so perfect. She had the cutest little nose and mouth. She had the darkest brown hair. (Which is all gone now). Here is our beautiful daughter I had thought. The emotions that run through you when you have a baby is the best "high" ever. All of the anticipation and preparing for this little person and now she is here.

And today, she turned 6 months old. She is no longer that little tiny baby that fit so snug in my arms. Now her legs hang off of my lap and she has so much personality. I almost want to cry every time I see and hear her laugh. I still can't believe she is mine. I still can't believe I could produce something so perfect and beautiful.

Jingle Bells....What??

I went Christmas shopping yesterday. We should write it down on the calendar, this is the earliest I have ever started shopping for Christmas. Usually I am a person who starts the weekend after Thanksgiving.

I have to admit. It wasn't as fun as it usually is when I go in December. There isn't Christmas stuff everywhere, there isn't Christmas music playing at all of the stores, the spirit just isn't there.

I had to do it though. As much as I wasn't in the "mood" to shop for Christmas yet, I needed to get a start and put some things into a layaway. We have three more kids to buy for this year. Number one being Alyssa, and I am sure we will spoil the heck out of her. (Along with everyone else in our family). With me only working part time, we need to be cautious of the expenses and make sure we buy for everyone we want to. I love to buy presents for people. I love to get creative and sometimes it really digs deep into my pockets. But by the time I notice it has made me broke, the idea is way too good to give it up.

We got some really neat things for Alyssa. We got her a activity table and a Baby Einstein video. We also got her this toy that you move the pieces all around that sticks to high chairs, strollers or tables. Of course this is only the beginning, but at least we have started. You know how kids first Christmas' are anyway, they love the paper more than the presents.

I hope that I haven't ruined one of the fun parts of Christmas. Although I love to decorate and have family get togethers. I am sure that I will be glad that I have started the shopping when it gets closer to Christmas and I am not completely broke without electricity.

A Bit Of A Brag....

Today we went to my nephew's baptism. It was a very nice ceremony. Alyssa was an angel today. She hardly got fussy, only when she was really tired, but even then, she took her binky and quieted down.

As I have written in a previous blog I was worried about Alyssa not rolling over. I am very proud to say that on Wednesday, Alyssa rolled over. She rolled from her tummy to her back. She still has no desire to roll from her stomach to her back, but I don't care, she rolled one way!!! She will not stay on her tummy for more than 5 seconds now. (She will probably never crawl since she hates tummy time, but I will worry about that in about 3-4 months or whenever everyone else's kids are crawling and Alyssa is not).

As all my worries get the best of me, there was a glimmer of something wonderful today. While I was at the party after the baptism, two different moms came up to me as they saw Alyssa drinking her bottle. They both gave me the jealous look and said "She can hold her own bottle!?!" Obviously she can....Duh! (snicker, snicker)

Alyssa has her 6 month appointment on Friday. I always like to guess what she will weigh. After holding my 20 pound almost 5 month nephew, I definitely think she is lighter than 20 pounds!! I am going to guess she is 17 lbs and 6 ounces. (I will keep you informed if I am close or not!) I have a long list of questions for the doctor, (as I always do). I think the 2 month interval in between checkups seem like forever.

Babies R Everywhere

When I first got pregnant I was worried that a couple of friends of mine would be jealous when I told them the news. Friend 1 & 2 have been trying for a long time to conceive a child. Friend 1 has a son who is 8. Friend 2 has been married for 4 years and would have loved nothing more than a honeymoon baby. Friend 1 has been seeing a fertility doctor for over a year. A few months after I had gotten pregnant, she had also gotten pregnant. Our babies would have been only a few months apart. Sadly, she miscarried, and it broke my heart to see her hurt so much. She gave the fertility doctor a few more chances after the m/c to try to conceive again. One week after my darling Alyssa was born, she found out she was pregnant. I prayed more that I have ever for Friend 1 and her growing baby to survive the first trimester. Now, Friend 1 is due in December and her sister, step-mom, and myself are throwing her a baby shower next month. (I love to party plan). I am so excited that my dear Alyssa will have a friend (a girl friend to boot) to play with.

Now, Friend 2, had not gone to the extents of seeing any doctors, but she had pretty much given up on any kids in the near future. Friend 2 is now due in February. I will be helping throw her shower at the end of November. Friend 2 is also having another girl friend for Alyssa to play with.

Friend 1's sister who is also a friend of mine (I guess I could call her Friend 3...ha ha), just found out she will be expecting her second child and is due in May. Someone had commented to me that I put something in the bean dip at one of my get-togethers.

I am so happy that my friends are getting what they want. I could not even imagine having to go through the emotional rollercoaster that they endoured through the past years of their life. It really makes you think to never take for granted the things that seem could be so easy.

It is so strange to me to think that the friends that my husband and I mainly talk to all have families now. We are growing up (tear) and I have to admit, this is the best time of my life!

Mom's the Word

I miss my mom.

I know this sounds like she would have been passed away or lived very far, but the truth is...she went on vacation. A well deserved vacation! She left for an 11 day Hawaiian cruise almost two weeks ago. I can't believe how much I really rely on her.

I talk to my mom at least 3-4 times a week. Sometimes even 2-3 times a day. She babysits Alyssa when one day a week when I work and is there to reassure me that I am going to be fine with this whole motherhood thing.

While she has been on vacation my husband and I are watching my 12 year old sister. She has been great to have here. I don't know if I am going to let her go home. She helps me with Alyssa, she helps set the table and clean the dishes. For a split second I couldn't wait for Alyssa to be older to help with chores. (I quickly retracted my wishes because I don't want her to grow up fast at all!!) She has had her moments where she gets on my nerves. But the good prevails in her actions this week.

Since I moved out when I was 18 years old (my little sis only being 4), I didn't get a chance to really "grow" up with her. It is strange how we are pretty close though. I like to go to watch her cheerlead for the city football team and spend time with her. Having her here this week has made us closer than ever.

My other younger sister had the responsibility of watching the family dog while my parents were out of town. Of course when it comes to my other sister, something ALWAYS goes wrong. While watching the 13 year old dog, he fell down the stairs dislocating his hip. He was in a lot of pain and my sister took him to the vet. The vet said he couldn't do anything without the owners consent. (And how do you get a hold of someone in the middle of the ocean??) They gave him some good drugs and by the end of the night he was hobbling around a little bit.

Needless to say, I have so much to talk about with my mom.

Before Alyssa was born, we didn't find out the sex of the baby. There were a few reasons that we didn't find out. Although all I really cared about was that the baby was healthy, I always said that it never mattered what the sex was. I have to admit now that I had secretly hoped for a little girl. I dream of having the relationship with my daughter that I have with my mom.

When are you going to have kids??

Right after you get married, everyone bugs you on when you are going to have kids. It is like they need to ask you some kind of question. (When are you getting engaged....when are you getting married....when are you having kids...when are you going to have your next kid....). My husband never cared. He would have been fine with having kids before we were married.

I on the other hand was terrified. I had all of these fearful thoughts in my head. I was downright scared. First I was scared of the pregancy. Scared of putting more weight on top of too much weight to begin with. Of course, then there is the labor. Who wouldn't be scared and every woman you ask will tell you....yes, it hurts. (Thanks a lot by the way...) And last but most important, there is this human being that you are responsible for. The way this child is brought up is because of you. What is more terrifying that that???

I had all kinds of excuses. After we got married, I told my husband that we must have a house. I said that we absoulety did not have any room in our two bedroom apartment. Of course, shortly after we got married, we found a wonderful house in a nice neighborhood. My husband started to ask again. Well, honey....we just bought this house and I want to at least only work part time. You need to make more money before we can start to have a family. So, my husband went to work, put in for a promotion. Went through some vigorous training and received a good promotion with a nice raise to go along with it. So....what is stopping me now?? Well, snuckumms, I think that we should be married a year. I think that we need to have time for us....right?? (Even though we lived together about 3 years before we even got married). So our 1 year anniversary comes and goes. And my husband is asking again....Of course it wasn't the end of the excuses for me....Can't I be 25 years old before we start trying?? We are still so young! When my 25th birthday arrived, my husband looked at me and said I am not waiting any longer. If you want to wait, then it should be in our best interest to not have kids. I was terrified of that!!!

In my mind, I had run out of excuses and I had really prepared myself for this journey. To our luck it only took us a matter of 2-3 months to concieve. (I know, I know I am getting those evil vibes from many women out there who aren't as fertile. I am definitly not trying to offend anyone!!) My pregnancy was wonderful, with the exception of the miserable morning sickness in the beginning. I had an awesome delivery. No complications. I now have this wonderful, beautiful, healthy daugther who has given my life a whole new meaning. What was I so afraid of??? There are those days that I don't know what to do with myself and I feel like I am going insane, but once that little girl smiles at me, all I can think to myself is...why did I wait so long?? I was afraid of what??

I now look back and think, what was I waiting for? Why did I take so long to overcome all of my "pregnancy/baby/mom" fears. I would like to enjoy Alyssa for a little bit before we start the process all over again, but I definitly don't want to wait too long. I can't imagine my life without Alyssa at this point.

Worry Wart

Ok, I know that several people have told me not too worry too much about how my daughter develops with the other kids in her age group, but being a first time mom you can't help it.

Alyssa still has not rolled over. She is now 5 1/2 months old. She did have a breakthrough and sat unassisted for about 5 seconds, but that is only if she isn't moving at all. In reading what other babies are doing around her age group, I am starting to feel like Alyssa is falling more and more behind.

I had never even thought about this until Alyssa's cousin who is six weeks younger than her, rolled over. Then I started to read posts on another board that I look at and noticed that most babies have already completed that task and have completed some tasks thereafter.

I hate to be the worry wart. Most moms would be so grateful to have their darling babies lying on the floor, not getting into mischeif, but I can't help but start to think something is wrong. I just take each day with the hopes that my little girl will roll over today.

My very first blog.

After reading a few blogs I have decided to create one myself. Now, I am not a creative writer as some of the blogs that I have read in the past, but I have decided that this might be a good way to get out some of those feelings that sometimes really get to us.

My husband and I decided to have a cookout for Labor Day. We always get excited to have a party and have everyone over, but then I always get stressed out the day before. I know that I shouldn't worry about every little detail so much, but that is a trait of mine that I just can't get rid of. And of course, here I am creating my first blog when I could be doing something else like vacuuming. I have been working so hard all day, pulling weeds, scrubbing patio furniture, cleaning the inside of my house.

It doesn't help that my little girl, who is 5 months old, has been so crabby today. Sometimes I wonder to myself if I am doing anything right. She has been giving me such a hard time with everything. She only wants to spend 5 minutes at a time doing something. First it is five minutes on the floor, then 5 minutes in the swing, then 5 minutes in the jumparoo. She will only spend about 5 minutes (if I am lucky) trying to eat because then she realizes that she is so hungry that only the bottle will satisfy her and she will not give her baby food a second look. She will scream until I have that bottle in her mouth!

I hate to sound so ungrateful for the beautiful, healthy wonderful person that I have been so blessed with. She really is the greatest gift I could ever have been given, but sometimes she really makes me want to pull my hair out...(and she is only 5 months old). I know that it only gets better!!