Organization

I am having an obsessive compulsive need to organize everything in my house. I feel like I am nesting all over again (without being pregnant--trust me, I'm not).

And I want cool baskets. All over the place. With fun, decorative liners.

I know, I am a dork.

I just feel better when things are organized and I am feeling like they aren't. I feel like I have so much stuff that we should just get rid of because we don't use it or don't like it anymore.

My mom is having a garage sale in May. I am trying really hard to hold on to the crap until then so I can make a dime or two off of a T-Shirt that I never wore or a picture frame that I never used. I hate junk and I am not a pack-rat.

While pregnant with Alyssa, I threw away so much stuff that could have been given to someone or someplace, but I couldn't bear to even look at it, so in the garbage it went. I am a horrible waster!

Not Even When She's Sick

Does she want to cuddle with me.

My poor baby is sick. The second time being sick in her first 11 months of life.

It is just a cold with a slight fever. The cough is a little rough, almost like a bark, so in the morning I am going to call the doc. I have to reassure myself that it is nothing more than a cough.

I hate it when she is sick because nothing seems to comfort her. Like I said, she doesn't want to cuddle, she doesn't want to sit on my lap, she doesn't want my hand on her, she doesn't want on the floor, she doesn't want in her crib....

I can't wait for her to feel better soon!

7 Years

A few days ago (on February 17th to be exact), Gary and I celebrated our 7th year dating anniversary. Well, we didn't really "celebrate" like we used to before we were married.

I have to admit, I was pretty impressed when Gary called me that morning and I asked "Do you know what today is?" and he responded "I will always remember the first day we started dating".

Gary and I had a conversation about our first date, our first kiss, our first...you know. Anyway I have really been thinking about these past 7 years. How at one minute it seems as if 7 years has flown by and really 7 years isn't THAT long of a time. I also think the next minute that I don't remember a time without Gary and how 7 years is a heck of a long time to be with someone.

I started to think about my mom and dad and how their marriage only lasted for 7 years. Not only did their marriage only last for 7 years, but they didn't know each other very long before getting married. They pretty much only got married because someone really special was on the way (me! me!) They are two totally different people and my dad had a LOT of problems drinking, gambling, not paying bills etc.. Finally my mom couldn't handle it anymore and we started having weekend visits with my dad.

Even though I spent most of the next 5 years wishing and hoping mom and dad would get back together, I eventually realized that the divorce really was the best decision. They really don't have anything in common and I can't even picture them being together in the first place. My mom and dad are now both re-married and have better partners that fit their personalities. My dad is a different person now. Ever since the divorce he has been in AA (Almost 20 years). He works two jobs and has gotten a college degree. He is a completely different person that the stories I hear my mom tell me. She still can't get over his "old ways", which I understand, because that is who she knew.

I am really glad that Gary and I do have so much in common and how we seem to click together. We complete each other and even after 7 years, we are still going strong.

I really hope that I can say that exact comment in about 20 or 30 years from now!!

Very pissed off!!!

I need to vent about how pissed off I am right now.

We went to return our car that we leased for 4 years (a used car lease--first mistake). They are charging us for several burn holes (from cigarettes) in the car. They were there when we leased the car and since I was a lease virgin, I didn't know about reporting that kind of stuff. We have to pay over $600 for burns we didn't even do. Neither my husband nor I smoke and nobody has ever smoked in our car, so I know that it was never even possible for those to be ours. I tried to call the place where we leased through and they pretty much said "tough shit....why didn't you report it?" We could have taken the car and gotten those fixed somewhere else, but the lease is due back by Wednesday and we would have never found some other place to do it and return it by Wednesday. So of course, we just sucked it up and paid for it.

I am so glad to finally get rid of that car. It has been nothing but problems from the time we leased it. We had put way too much money into a car that was never going to be ours. I think I have cried more times over problems and money dealing with that car then I have cried over any one situation in the past 4 years.

Baby proofing

That is what we have to do at our house!

Yes, I didn't think this day was going to come, although now I am sad that it is here. (I know, I know I am hearing all of the I told ya so speeches already). We need to lower her crib because she has started to go to the coffee table and pick herself up to her knees. She doesn't stay for very long, but I know one day she will and I don't want to hear a thump that she has fallen out of her crib. Better safe than sorry! She has also mastered rolling. She will roll from our living room through the dining room to the family room. She has gotten herself caught under the table a couple times already. She has started to go for the TV stands so she can get into daddies playstation stuff.

Everyone keeps saying how she will be crawling any day now, but I think she is perfectly happy with rolling everywhere. She can maneuver herself to get anywhere she wants, like the computer or magazines. We definitely have a lot to clean up around here.

Happy Belated Valentine's Day

Well, almost two days at this time.

My Valentine's Day started at 5:30 in the morning when I woke up and went to work...what fun! The good thing was that I got to leave at 1:00. Mondays are my short day. I wish I didn't work it at all, but I will stop whining now.

So, I wanted to get Gary something really nice for Valentine's Day. I wanted to get him something that I KNEW he wanted, even though he had only mentioned it once right after Christmas. Gary is into playing poker. For Christmas my mom and I both bought him poker chips that came in these cheesy tins. Gary had LOVED the poker chips and mentioned (without complaining) that it would be great to have a case for the chips.

So...after work, I ran to the mall to the poker chip place and got him a nice case with a handle. And another small set of chips (to make sure the case would be full). I then ran to Babies R Us to get Alyssa a toy. I got her this really cute cat ball that shakes and makes meowing noises when she pushes the button. And she LOVES it! She even knows how to push the button to make it go and she gets so excited to see the ball shake.

Ran home (well, drove) to be with my the two biggest loves of my life. I was excited because Gary said he was going to take Alyssa out to look for a present for me. It was exciting because that was the first time Gary took Alyssa in public by himself. A feat in itself for him. I was very proud and couldn't wait to hear about his journey.

When we exchanged gifts, he really liked his gift. He said he was surprised that I got him the case and more chips. He handed me a card. It was a beautiful card. He had Alyssa sign it too. Very cute!

Where's the gift?? Am I greedy?? Where's the gift?? Where's the chocolate covered strawberries?? Flowers?? Anything??

He said he drove to the candy store in search of the infamous chocolate covered strawberries, only to be disappointed in them being sold out. (Of course they are sold out. They are the best things in the world). He then said he went to Walmart and searched for two hours and couldn't find anything for me. He promised me to cook a nice dinner. I picked today (Tuesday), since I work and that way I wouldn't have to cook after work. It was an awesome dinner. Stuffed chicken breast, mashed tatoes and green beans. Very good and very nice. (But who cleaned most of the dishes??) It is OK honey. I loved the dinner. It was great!

Oh yeah, I almost forgot the best part of dinner...the dessert. He hand made chocolate covered strawberries. They were awesome!

And that was my Valentine's Day!

Back to My Old Self

Ok, I am back to my old self again. I just had a bad last couple of days. And the weird thing is now I don't even know why. I wish I could put it into words, but it was just a feeling and the feeling is now gone (I think).

After I had Alyssa, the day we were leaving the hospital, the baby blues hit me. That morning my mom called and I cried. The nurses came in, I cried. Gary asked me what was wrong, I cried. When we came home, I still cried. I thought it was just the hospital that was getting to me, but it wasn't. I really didn't want to do anything. I didn't want anyone over. I didn't want to hear how beautiful Alyssa was. I didn't want anyone else to hold her. It was the WORST feeling I have ever had in my entire life. I am normally a very happy person, and that just wasn't me.

And then about a week later, I was better. Just like that, those feelings were gone. I remember that feeling so vividly. I am starting to get hazy about the labor and delivery, but the baby blues I remember like it was yesterday.

What I was feeling the past few days had nothing to do with depression or anything, I was just in a mood. It happens from time to time and I get over it. It usually doesn't take long and it doesn't happen too often. I am just glad that I am back to my old self!

Waste of Time

Last night I spent 20 minutes in front of this blank screen with a blank mind not knowing what to blog about. I closed the blogger and got ready for bed. I kept thinking to myself, how could I not have ANYTHING to write about.

So here I am back again, blank mind, all over again. I probably wouldn't even be trying to post if it weren't for my loyal reader, Christina. I just want to give you a shout-out (well, you may even be my only reader). And I thought about that too. It is so weird how you want so many people to read your blog. The blog you made for yourself, right? The blog you made to write all of your personal feelings and vents out on. But then it kinda makes you sad to think that there might be no one that reads your blog. Strange how that works.

But, I am OK with that. And Christina, I love you, for always being there to post comments for me. To re-assure me that I am not the only one reading my own blog.

So with that, I will continue with miscellaneous ramblings about my life. (Which will mostly consist of the topic -- Alyssa, because she is my life and that is what I shall write about).

Today, Alyssa once again threw a temper tantrum leaving the MILs house. Can she just rip my heart out and stomp on it?? But as soon as she wakes up from her nap, it will be all about me and her dad. So if she must crush my heart for a few minutes, so be it. She gets to come home with ME!

Work is giving out bonuses again -- Sad day for the part timers.

Alyssa is rolling all over the place. She tends to get herself stuck in corners and freaks out. She also got into some magazines the other day. I know by the look on her face she thought she was hot shit. The physical therapist is still so impressed with her progress. She estimates she will be crawling anywhere from 2 weeks to 2 months (could that be any broader of a time frame??)

I am so scared to give Alyssa real food. The pediatrician said that she could eat anything that she can gum, including meatloaf and chicken. I am terrified to give her real chicken. I must be the strangest mom in the world. But right now she doesn't know any different. She just needs to get a few more teeth for me to feel a little better about it.

It is rounding Valentine's Day, and once again those delicious chocolate covered strawberries are being sold. Maybe if I am really good over the weekend......

It would also be great if Alyssa would say the word "mom". She probably says every other word except, mama! Dada, Baba, AAATTT, yaya. And she "talks" all day long. That would be the best present ever, for her to say mama!

Well, I think I wrote enough miscellaneous ramblings for a little while. Hopefully something great will happen for me to blog about soon!

This is Hurting My Feelings

On Tuesdays and Thursdays when I work, my mom and my MIL watch Alyssa. My mom watches her on Tuesdays and my MIL watches her on Thursdays.

When I drop Alyssa off on Tuesday, Alyssa squirms and wiggles and whines in my mom's arms when I am about to leave. Even though it is so tough to leave her when she is like that, it makes me feel so good because I know that she doesn't want me to go.

When I drop Alyssa off on Thursday, Alyssa squirms and wiggles and whines in my arms to see my MIL. She doesn't want anything to do with me and doesn't even look at me as I walk out the door. (No matter how many times I call her name). Usually I get a little disappointed that she isn't so sad to see me go, but then when I pick her up, she is so excited to see me and is ready to go home.

This past Thursday, the same routine happened in the morning. When I went to go and pick Alyssa up in the afternoon, she didn't act excited to see me. She didn't want me to hold her as she wiggled and whined and was leaning towards my MIL. I took her in the kitchen and tried talking one on one, but it doesn't work very well if the MIL keeps looking in on us, once again making Alyssa whiney and wanting her. My MIL kept saying she was tired, but I know she wasn't. She had woken up from a nap only one hour earlier. When we were putting on her coat, she threw a tantrum. After I was done, I said to Alyssa "Do you want grandma to walk you to the car". Grandma carried her and she was fine. NO peeps, whines or wiggles. When I took her to put her in the carseat, she cried -- REAL TEARS! She didn't want to go home with me. I felt like a bad mom, why didn't my daughter want to come home with me? I cried the whole way home, wondering.

My husband doesn't think that this should make me so upset, but I can't help it.

Lately Alyssa has also taken to being daddy's little girl. She gets upset when he leaves the room. I was OK with that because that is her DAD.

I am just wondering what my MIL does that is so different than what I do with her or what my mom does with her. There must be something that makes her feel that she doesn't want to leave. Alyssa isn't the cuddling type and she doesn't like to be held all of the time, so it can't be that. I just don't know.