And my whining continues

Have said it already how much I HATE the first trimester of pregnancy? Well, I still do. It's the same ol' song and dance, but since this is my blog, I am going to whine and complain again. So bare with me if you want, if not, I understand. There will be better posts in the future, I promise!!

I am so sick of feeling sick. I can't even change Alyssa's diapers at this point. I don't know what I am going to do when Gary goes back to work on Tuesday. Even the smell of it makes me want to throw up.

I feel like I am hungry and I need to eat, but then NOTHING sounds good to me and if I look at the food or even think of it, I just want to throw up. And if I don't eat anything, I feel like I am going to throw up. It is a no win situation here.

I am so sick of feeling tired. I woke up today around 9:15 ish, with Alyssa and Gary. I continued to lounge around and attempted at doing some laundry. Alyssa's clothes are finally clean. I then felt I needed to take a shower, so I did. Gary and I put Alyssa down for a nap, and I thought that was a great idea. So I napped from about 1:30 - 3:00. Then, I thought I better get some other stuff done around the house. Went to do some dishes and I thought I was going to get sick, so I laid down again for about a half hour. And now I am here.

I hate this complaining, but I can't believe that I am only 6 1/2 weeks along and IF this feeling decides to go away after the first trimester, I still have 5 1/2 weeks left.

I feel really bad for Alyssa because she really wants to play with me and climb all over me and have me walk with her around the house (I hold her hands), and I just don't feel like it. To me, I feel terrible for being this way around her. I know she won't remember any of this, but I still feel like a bad mom. I want us to have an awesome 9 months before the baby comes and I feel like I am already giving Alyssa the crappy end of the stick.

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On a another note...I need to come up with a nickname for my baby. I have read several blogs in the past that have just the cutest little nicknames for their growing babies. Monkey, Bean, Pea, Charm are just a few that I can remember off the top of my head. I want a cute nickname for my baby and I feel like all the good ones have been taken. I am having a mental block and can't think of anything cute.

Ok, I suppose I will stop whining now. Well, at least to the internet. Poor, poor Gary has to live with me. I know he is looking for an apartment to rent out for the short term.

And honey....do you really think we want to go through this again?!?!

Already feeling sick

Yep, that lovely nausea bug has already crept its way into me. Yuck. I absolutely hate the feeling that if you don't eat in 5 seconds you are gonna get sick. And last time if I didn't that was it. Once I had to make Gary pull over in a parking lot. Not fun at all.

I would admit that last time, I had a great 2nd and 3rd trimester, but this first one bites the big one for me.

I am also soo tired now. All I want to do when I am home is sleep. I don't even want to be on the computer that much (now that is strange). I don't want to clean anymore, or cook. That just isn't me and I hate how I feel.

I already feel like my clothes are getting tight. What the heck?!? I am only 6 weeks along. Last time I didn't start wearing maternity clothes until I was 5 months along. I know I am not ready for them right now, but it is starting to get a little uncomfortable here. I am thinking it probably won't be long.

I am really happy, but I am just feeling really miserable right now.

Thank god for Gary. He has been really great. He has been helping me a lot with cooking dinner and getting cold stone ice cream (yummy). Only once, Laina, I promise...LOL!

On to other GOOD things - Alyssa has started to say MOM!! Yay!! I never thought this day would come. She started a few weeks ago by saying "mama", but it would only be after a string of whining. Now she will go around saying "MOM", "MOM" over and over again. It is soo cute and it is really melting my heart right now.

And one more brag - On Sunday, Alyssa and I were sitting in the family room and I said to her "lets go wake up daddy". She crawled all the way upstairs, went next to Gary in bed and tapped him on the shoulder (for him to wake up). It was really cute. I was really surprised that she understood what I said and did it. I think she understands a heck of a lot more than she lets on.

I need to vent...

Yesterday when I got home from the water park with my mom and Alyssa, Gary told my mom that step-dad called. He said that my step-dad was lecturing Gary on how I should go back to work full time right now, so we can save money for when the next baby comes.

I was very irritated by this.

First of all, this is my situation and why does he need to be so concerned as to call my husband and tell him what he feels what we should do.

Second of all, I don't want to work full time. Before Gary and I decided to have kids, we wanted to make sure that I was able to be home at the least part of the time. I don't want to have to give up the extra days with Alyssa to be stuck at work. I would be miserable!!

I am thinking my own ways of what we can do to save more money. I will probably have less of my check go into our checking acct and have more of it deposited into our savings. Hopefully we will be able to adjust to that amount of money coming in and start saving some extra $$.

If I can only take 6 weeks of maternity leave, then so be it. I would love to take the entire 12 like I did Alyssa, but if I can't, then I can't. I would rather have 6 week less at home, then to work full time for the next 9 months!

I can't believe this is getting to me so badly, but it really is. Why is my step-dad so concerned? I really want to know. This is our life and we make the decisions for our family and this is what we decide. I hate when people second guess the decisions that we make. It drives me insane.

Enjoying the summer!

We have really been trying to enjoy this summer and I think we are doing a pretty good job of it. I try to get to the pool at least once a week. Alyssa absolutely loves the baby pool at the city public pool. It is awesome because it is free, the water is only 6 inches deep and we can bring toys!! We sat there for 3 hours on Wednesday and I got some great sun!!

Tomorrow we are heading to a local waterpark with my mom and sisters. It should be a lot of fun. I hope there is some good stuff for Alyssa to do there.

Last year, I didn't do much with Alyssa, well because she was little and I was a nervous mom. I realized I shouldn't have been so worry-some and promised her a lot of fun this summer. I think I am living up to my promise so far.

I can't believe that soon July will be coming to an end. Pretty much only one more month of summer. I haven't had such a great summer since I was younger and had no responsibilities...LOL!

Here are some summer pictures of Alyssa:

At Grandma's pool -



Alyssa enjoying a ride in the swing -

At a friend's 2nd birthday party - in his pool -

And, Alyssa enjoying a popsicle -

Miscellaneous Ramblings

Alyssa - Still drooling like crazy and still a bit crabby due to the teething. The good news is that she has been sleeping OK during the night.

Garage - Submitted my dimensions to the company who is going to make the blueprints. Hopefully we will get those this week, so we can take them to the city to get our permit. Not looking to good to have that cement laid by the end of July...sigh.

Me - I am tired. I remember this too well from the last time.

I am having a hard time cutting out the caffeine. I have become a diet pepsi/coke freak in the past 15 months. I have gotten a few terrible headaches from the lack of caffeine. I also like coffee. It sucks in the mornings at work when I am dead tired with NO caffeine.

I have stressed about crazy things that I shouldn't worry about right now, like when and how am I going to throw Alyssa's second birthday party right after I have a baby. Last time, I didn't even want to talk to anyone for a couple weeks after I came home, let alone to have a house full of people breathing all over my new baby.

I have also stressed about if we should put Alyssa in a big girls bed or buy another crib. I really don't want to buy another crib for such a short amount of time, but worry she might not be ready for a big bed.

I have stressed about not getting any maternity pay this time around (because only being P/T). How in the hell are we going to afford for me to not work after the baby is born. And, of course, I want to take the entire 12 weeks, like I did with Alyssa. But, I just don't know if we will be able to do that financially.

Gary - He has been so sweet lately. Especially since I tend to bite his head off. I hope he understands that I love him so much and really don't mean to be a bitch, I am just tired and trying to do a lot right now!

He has also been incredibly sweet and telling me not to stress about the work thing. He has said to me that it is his job to worry about us and keeping us "afloat", and that I don't need to worry now. Incredibly awesome for Gary to say that, but I still worry. (It's OK honey, I know you will take care of us).

So that is about it for what is going on around here. Thanks for everyone's well wishes on this pregnancy. They are all appreciated!!

Guess What?!?!

I'm pregnant!

I can't believe it. Aunt Flo didn't come to visit today (which I am like clockwork), so I bought a test. It read PREGNANT.

I am very shocked and very nervous right now. I was when I first got pregnant with Alyssa too. I over analyze everything and that is exactly what I am doing right now.

I am a little relieved though too. It was stressing me out every month to know when I ovulate and to have to analyze why this is not the right time to conceive. It was nice that it happened when I wasn't thinking about that. It was a surprise and it was nice.

I originally wanted to do something really fun for Gary to tell him the good news. Like I wanted to buy a big sis T-Shirt and have Alyssa wear it and for him to see it and get excited. But, I couldn't do that. Tonight I told him that I wanted to get a test. I was too anxious to wait to take a test tomorrow and Alyssa was already sleeping, so I had to tell him. I still might do something fun for the grandparents to figure it out.

So, according to my week by week pregnancy book, I should be due about March 22, 2006. (7 days before Alyssa turns 2).

Well, lets take a deep breath and take my blogging entries to a whole other level!!

Last Night Sucked

Yeah, so Alyssa is teething, right. On Monday night, she woke up at about 11:30 screaming. I gave her some tylenol and sat with her for about 15 minutes on the glider. It was an awesome moment for me because she laid her little head on my shoulder and stayed there for the entire 15 minutes. (That NEVER happens). I laid her back down and she went to sleep.

Perfect!

Last night is a whole other story. She woke up at about midnight. We gave her some tylenol to help her again. I sat with her for about 15 minutes and when I went to go lay her back down all hell broke loose. She SCREAMED her head off. I thought to myself, once I leave she will calm down and go back to sleep.

WRONG!!!

She continued to scream and about every 15 minutes I would go back in there. The first couple times, I picked her up and sat in the glider with her. She cuddled again, which I have to admit, was nice, but it was time to go to sleep. After about the third time, I went in and laid next to her crib on the floor. She was quiet, but still sitting up. The girl just wouldn't lay down. Then she started to play games and throw her binky out of the crib. I would give it back to her and she would throw it back to me. I said OK, I have to go to bed now and left the room. Yeah, she didn't like that much and screamed again. So, after another 15 minutes of screaming, I go back in again. This time I just sit in the glider while she was in the crib. She was quiet for a while, but then we played the throwing binky game again. So I left again. Um, by now it is 2:30 in the morning. In three hours, I would have been up for 24 hours straight.

I came back into our bedroom cussing up a storm and told Gary that in about 5 minutes, he was going to sleep in the spare bed and Alyssa was sleeping with me. (I am way to worried about all three of us in our bed at once). Finally Gary got up (which I really felt bad because he had to work this morning, but I was at my wits end). He got her something to drink and tried to calm her down (while leaving her in her crib). He left her after spending about 15 minutes in there and she screamed again. This time when we left her for the 15 minutes, she fell asleep. After 3:00 she finally went to sleep. What a horrible night!!!

Checkin' In

Just checkin' in to say hey. I have been somewhat busy lately.

Garage plans - I think we are getting close to getting our garage plans. We need to call the lumber company with our dimensions and roof style we want for our garage and they will make up some blueprints. I have already called the city to see what the process is with getting a permit. So after the blueprints, then I need to run them up to city hall and wait 5-7 days before we are approved and given a permit. I am nervous though because we wanted our garage to be 26' wide. (the front side). I had also wanted to keep our 7' shed because it would still be nice to have that as extra storage (for toys and miscellaneous stuff). I measured our back yard and if we make the garage 26' wide, we have about 7 1/2 extra. Do you think that will be enough to squeeze the shed on the side with no problems? Or do you think I should be safe and only get the garage 25' wide. We wanted to get the most area out of our garage and Gary wants a room off to the side, so that would take a foot away from his room. I just don't know where we will put the shed if we can't fit it on the side of the garage, because our back yard will be very small after the garage is up and I don't want to waste a big spot of it with a shed.

Alyssa - is teething like crazy!! She is getting those first molars in. Yesterday her shirts would be so soaked with drool, it would be wet all the way at the bottom seam of the shirt. She also is battling a cold. I don't know if it is teeth related, but her face is a mess. With the drool and boogers, it is a messy picture! What is funny is that she got the three molars in with minimal drooling and then all of the sudden her shirts are soaked and she only has one more to go. I thought that was strange.

I went to buy Alyssa a blow up pool yesterday and two different stores were sold out of them. I was so pissed. She finally got used to being on grass on Sunday. It took a while for her to get used to, but she walked all over it with her cousin on Sunday.

Me - I am doing good. Last week I was so proud of myself. I worked out on three days and took long walks on three other days!! It is nice to do extra stuff rather than just working out like normal. It is always nice to have someone to walk with, that makes it easier. I hope that this week I can keep up with it. Other than that, besides really trying to get the garage plans going, not much is happening with me.

Alright, I am off to work...uggghhh..

I think that is about it for right now.

The Jumparoo

When I was pregnant and registering for our baby shower, Gary and I choose to register for one of those Fisher Price Jumparoos. It was awesome. Right there I envisioned our baby jumping up and down in it and smiling and laughing and loving the jumparoo. I had to have it!

We did get it for a gift and I was really excited!! I couldn't wait to put her in it. This is Alyssa in her jumparoo at about 4 1/2 months old.



But...she never jumped. She would plop her little butt in the seat and play with the toys with her feet dangling underneath...not even touching the ground. I was a bit disappointed in the product and that my daughter had no desire to get excited and jump up and down. Sadly, we put this away after months and months of trying to teach her how to jump. She just got board with those few toys after only a short while, so no point in sitting in it.

We stuck it in our spare bedroom. My friend and her 6 1/2 month baby came over the other day, so I decided to bring it down. Brianna (the baby) LOVED the jumparoo. She jumped and laughed and smiled. That was the reaction I had dreamed about when registering for that. I was so excited, I videotaped Brianna jumping. It was so damn cute!!

Gary was goofing and put Alyssa back in the jumparoo (yes at 15 months), and she tried to jump, but it was the most uncoordinated jump ever. She can't seem to get both of her feet to touch the ground, push off and jump at the same time. She seriously looks like she is trying to break dance. It is HILARIOUS. I told Gary we should keep it down and put Alyssa in it once a day for 5-10 minutes (she won't stand much more than that). That might be a good way to get her to work on her leg muscles, even if she isn't getting it totally right.

I also noticed when she is walking with her walking toy that she tends to drag her left foot a bit. And recently she has tried running with her toy and falls all of the time because she can't seem to pick her left foot up fast enough. I know the physical therapist did say she had low muscle tone and she would need to work on that, but I wonder if the dragging foot thing is strange. We don't go to therapy in the summer and her re-evaluation isn't until September. Should I just wait to see if she works it out? Or should I call a private therapist for an appt?

It's Interview Time!!

It's my turn for an Interview. Heather was the lucky one who I asked to be interviewed by.

The Official Interview Game Rules

1. If you want to participate, leave a comment below saying "interview me."
2. I will respond by asking you five questions - each person's will be different.
3. You will update your journal/blog with the answers to the questions.
4. You will include this explanation and an offer to interview others in the same post.
5. When others comment asking to be interviewed, you will ask them five questions

1. Say your mother DOES end up moving to Georgia. Would you be able to move there? Would you consider moving there? Why or why not?

Big sigh...IF my mom does move to Georgia, I will probably be a basket case for a while. Probably a long while. This is a hard question....I would want to move there because my mom is there. It would be nice because there already is a base group of my mom's family already living there. BUT...we have so much here. We just bought a house 3 1/2 years ago. We just started our family here. My dad lives here, my sister, my step-brothers, my nephew (and soon to be niece/goddaughter). Gary's parents are here and our friends that we grew up with. That would be very, very hard to leave.

I loved Georgia. I don't know if I loved it because I was a visitor, but it seemed so beautiful to me. The houses seemed very reasonable for some beautiful homes. The job market is a million times better than Cleveland AND you make more. It does seem very appealing, but I am a creature of habit. Change scares me and moving to Georgia would terrify me.

So, I guess I didn't really answer your question, because I honestly don't know. Even if my mom did move. I wouldn't be following her that soon. It would be a while.

2. What has been the most challenging part of being a mother? What has been the most rewarding?

The most challenging part of being a mother is adapting to everything. At first we dealt with colic. That was the worst 3 months of her life, but we adapted. After that, it would still be the communicating aspect. She isn't able to tell me when she is sick or hungry or frustrated or tired. Especially the frustrated part. She will often times throw temper tantrums when she gets frustrated and I have a hard time figuring out what she really wants. Plus the aspect that she is a super independent little person and doesn't really want my help. That is hard for me to adjust to the fact that she would rather do it herself and not need her mommy to help. I keep thinking I am in big trouble when she gets older.

The most rewarding is having this little person who gets so excited everytime she figures something out. Her laughs and when she learns something new. I know that I had a help in that because I am her mom and I helped teach her most of those things. I almost cried when she figured out where her belly was. I was THAT proud!! And I love getting kisses. Those are pretty rewarding way of letting me know that she loves me and I must be doing something right!

3. I like movies, and sometimes feel the movie relates to me in sooo many ways. What movie/character in a movie would you relate to yourself and why?

This is so hard because I am not good at remembering a movie on cue. Same with quotes and songs....so I have to think....Ok, now I have finished all my other interview questions and still am stuck on this one....

Seriously this was way too hard of a question, so if I have to describe myself in a nutshell here it is (for you movie buffs, find a movie that suits me...LOL)

I am a pretty outgoing girl. I think I get along with just about everyone! I usually will bend over backwards for just about anyone.

I have a sarcastic sense of humor. Some love it or hate it, but it's me and I continue to be sarcastic. I usually know when enough is enough and almost never push it over the edge for I would fear someone's feelings getting hurt.

I have a temper! Most people don't know this about me, but it is brutal. I fear that this temper has genetically drained to Alyssa, as she throws the best tantrums until she gets her way (um, just like her mom...).

I am outgoing person. I love to get out and do things. I love to be busy. I love having a lot on my plate. It makes me feel good about myself.

I am anal. Everything is particular to me and I lose it when things are not the way they should be. I like things to be perfect.

4. When do you think you'll plan on having more children? How many more do you want?

Well, it is possible that I could have another child at any time now, but I have been somewhat preventing that. I am nervous, as I have written in the past. If it were to happen this month, my children would be exactly 2 years apart, and that makes me feel a little better. I was nervous about 2 under 2. Ideally I think I would like to wait a few more months, so I can hopefully lose a little more weight and then won't have to buy another crib and Alyssa can transition into a "big girls room".

Growing up, I always wanted 2 children, but after Alyssa was born, for some reason I wanted 3, but now leaning more towards 2 again. At this point there are a few factors. If we have another girl, we may have a third, in hopes for a boy. It also depends on my age. I personally don't want a third too far into my 30's. (I know lots of people do it, but that just isn't me).

5. In the archives of your blog, you made a list of goals: Jan. 05 to get a new car, Feb. 05 get the huge, ugly tree down , April/May 05-start committing to the garage, July 05 to have lost 48lbs. Which of these goals have you completed and which aren't completed and why!?

Wow, you dug that one up!! And shame on me for forgetting about writing that!! Well, let's see...

Jan 05 - get a new car - Yes, we did that. We bought a 2002 Black Ford Explorer. We are actually buying this car as opposed to leasing (like last time) and we are only paying $8.00 more a month. I am very happy with our purchase! I love it.

Feb 05 - get the huge, ugly tree down - Yes, we did this, but it was in April. We waited for our tax return because it cost mucho dinero to get that damn thing down. We are still in the midst of getting rid of the mulch that came with grinding that stump. 2 truckloads, 15 yard waste bags and there is still a TON! Does anyone need mulch...anyone? anyone?

April / May 05 - start committing to a garage - We are really trying to start to commit to this garage now. We bought a book of plans that we need to go through, pick one out and order. We need to get the city to approve it and we need to get a loan. My new goal is to have concrete laid by the end of July!

July 05 - Lose 48 lbs - I haven't re-read my post, but I am sure I calculated it and it was very reachable when I wrote it, but sadly, no, I haven't accomplished this goal. This weight it the hardest thing in my life I struggle with. Food is my weakness and has recently become my enemy. I really need to start watching what I friggin' eat. I am good at exercising, bad at eating. Better food choices. If I could afford it, Weight Watchers would probably be my best bet.

Heather, this was a lot of fun and pretty tough! Sorry it was so long!

Bad News and Good News

The bad news is that my step-grandmother passed away the other day. Today was the calling hours and tomorrow is the funeral. I haven't been to many wakes or funerals, so this whole thing really makes me uncomfortable. I don't know if it gets any better, but I know that my step-grandma was definitely suffering and she is now in a better place.

The good news is that my soon to be sister-in-law and my stepbrother are expecting their next baby in August. They asked me tonight if I would be Kaylie's godmother. I was so touched, I seriously almost cried. It really made me feel so good that they would choose me.

I have been tagged!

I have been tagged by Beth for another fun game!

Three nicknames: Linny (which I hated), Blenda (in college) and Babe (only Gary calls me that)

Three things I like about myself: My eyes, my sarcastic sense of humor, and shit, how bad is it when you can't think of three things you like about yourself??

Three things that scare me: Losing anyone close to me, Spiders and my mom moving to Georgia.

Three everyday essentials: Caffeine, Alyssa laughing, kisses from Gary

Three favorite bands growing up: New Kids on the Block, Vanilla Ice and Color me Badd

2 truths and a lie: I have a great life with a great husband and daughter, I have lots of family and friends that I am close to, I love working...HA!

Three things I can't do without: Alyssa, Gary, my mom

Three things I certainly can live without: Rude people, work and laundry.

Three places I want to go on vacation: Another cruise, Disneyland with Alyssa (and any future kids), and Italy.

Three things I want to do before I die: Have more children, celebrate my 50th wedding anniversary, and get a garage (hint, hint, Gary).